<span style="font-size: small;">My wedding day was not my "BEST DAY EVER!!!" Not by a long shot. My bouquet wasn't the precise shade of pink I requested, our candy bar wasn't set up correctly, and most guests didn't go down the hallway where we had a photo backdrop set up. But those insanely minor details were not what derailed it. It was the timeframe that it took place in, a time when most everything that was important to me was falling apart, (everything aside from me and Sean, that is), and so my mind was everywhere but the once in a lifetime role of being a bride. It has killed me ever since that I can't go back and fix that.
<span style="font-size: small;">Having celebrated our third wedding anniversary yesterday, this big "big day" disappointment that sometimes makes it painful for me to flip through the pictures and is the reason why I still haven't watched the video confronted me once again. At first, I did what I always do when this happens: try to talk myself out of it by painting it in a positive light:
<span style="font-size: small;"><em>"Dealing with all that actually made your vows MORE meaningful! In sickness and in health? Check! For richer or for poorer? Check!"
<span style="font-size: small;"><em>"Fairy tale weddings ALWAYS have villains who make bad stuff happen right before them! Princess Jasmine was Jafar's captive just moments before she and Aladdin said 'I do,' you see?!"
<span style="font-size: small;">While reframing it has helped, I'm tired of the same sad script somehow finding its way back into my narrative. And, knowing that the student in me needs to read something to believe it, this blog is part of my attempt to turn the page. I hope no one reading this interprets my motive for sharing as being preachy — these are truly lessons I am still trying to convince myself to learn, and seeing them in black and white (or in this case, 12-point sans serif font) is the only way I know how to start that process of acceptance and practice.
<span style="font-size: small;">OK, so here I am at lesson #1: if it were a choice between having one perfect wedding day or countless red letter days with the one you love and like, simple math and common sense say the latter is hands down the better bet. In that scenario, I'm doing alright. We've truly had a ton of really great days both before and after.
<span style="font-size: small;">Which brings me to lesson #2: every couple's big day should be a best day ever, but I say "a" best day on purpose because there's a lot of life to live after one's wedding day, and who wants to say life peaked so early on? Also, as in my case, if that one day didn't pan out to be that best day that was so deserved, numerically it's just a single missed opportunity. There are still chances to score many more.
</span>I had mentioned earlier that this blog was just part of my process of making peace with my past. The other part of it was asking family and friends to email stories about me and Sean as a couple since our rehearsal dinner didn't include the traditional speech portion of the program. In the spirit of "why not now?" I asked for those stories to be told three years later, and I put them together in a personalized leather book (since leather is the traditional gift for year three). The delightful and diverse words we received back were beyond anything I ever expected and have provided some much-needed perspective proving that our marriage and our love story are way bigger and better than any one day. It's a lucky thing to have so many loving mirrors reflecting back to you what you sometimes can't see for yourself. Now I just need to let these lessons sink in.
So the plan is for this to be the final post on iKarli.onsugar.com . . . It's time for a new chapter. And to sum up this one, we're not done having best days. Not by a long shot.